If i come over, it means nothing
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
