its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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