I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
