I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
