I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
