I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
