And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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