My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
