Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
