I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
