In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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