oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
