I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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