Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Randomize