K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
