Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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