It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
