I just gift wrapped bread.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
