My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
