I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
