just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
