I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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