I showed him my bush... on skype.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
