Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
