if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
