i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
