I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
