i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
