i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
