Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I lost the right to judge tonight
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
