we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
