also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
