THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
