so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
