Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Small penises have feelings too.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
