My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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