I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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