Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
