you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm always down for nudity.
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