I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize