sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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