Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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