It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
