If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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