she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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