She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
