I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
