So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
