MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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