Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
