Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
