Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
