seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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