she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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