I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
