I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
