My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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